本论坛已有过极热烈的关于“, 反移情,”的讨论,对于专业心理咨询治疗人员来说,如果这些不是心理咨询治疗中最重要的概念,起码也是最基本的概念。对于非专业人员来说,如果只能选择心理咨询中的一个概念学会了带到日常生活中,我的推荐将是:“共情”。当然要想学会共情,就或多或少迂回地到了移情反移情那里。
几个帖子的讨论,主要还是集中与概念理论上的。当然这样的讨论还应该继续下去。但我觉得有必要结合具体的例子来领会它了。
以下就是一个例子:看人文主义学派开创者卡尔如何在心理咨询中共情的。
对有经验的咨询师来说,不难看出这是一个相当不容易应付的个案。因为来访者大多时间都不说话。明显的症候,且有自杀倾向。他一直大多时间沉默,看起来象是抗拒帮助,且不时说:“你帮不了我,我想死”。
这种情形,很容易让咨询师焦急起来,“对方简直是“滴水不尽”,怎么办呢?需要教育他生命价值吗?纠正其错误吗?棒喝吗?让他想起家人需要他吗(他估计没有什么令他留念的家人)?
我们且来看罗杰斯是如何处理这个案子的吧!
THE CASE OF JIM BROWN(1962)
吉姆•布朗的(1962)
TUESDAY
Carl Rogers(C.R):I see there are some cigarettes here in the drawer,Hmm? Yeah, it is hot out.(Silence of 25 seconds)
C.R: Do you look kind of angry this morning, or is that my imagination? (Jim shakes his head slightly.) Not angry, huh? (Silence of 1 minute, 26 seconds)
C.R: Feel like letting me in on whatever is going on? (Silence of 12 minutes, 52 seconds)
C.R: (softly) I kind of feel like saying that if it would be of any help at all I’d like to come in. On the other hand, if it’s something you’d rather-if you just feel more like being within yourself, feeling whatever you’re feeling within yourself, why that’s OK too- I guess another thing I’m saying, really, in saying that is, “I do care. I’m not just sitting here like a stick.”(Silence of 1 minute, 11 seconds)
C.R: And I guess your silence is saying to me that either you don’t want to or can’t come out right now and that’s OK. So I won’t pester you but I just want you to know, I’m here. (Silence of 17 minutes, 41seconds)
C.R:I see I’m going to have to stop in a few minutes. 1(Silence of 20 seconds)
星期二
卡尔•罗杰斯(C..R):我看见抽屉里有一些香烟,嗯?是的,有一支正在冒烟。(25秒沉默)
C.R:今天早上你看来有些几分生气,或者那只是我的想象?(吉姆轻轻地摇了摇头)不生气,啊?(1分钟26秒沉默)
C.R:想让我进到你的心里去吗?不管里面有什么(12分52秒沉默)
C.R:(温柔地)我有点想说只要有任何一点帮助,我都愿意进去。另一方面,如果你愿意的-如果你只是感觉你更愿意一个人独处,感受着你心中感受到的任何东西,那也好-我想我要说的另一件事,真的,要说的是,“我确实在意你。我可不只是像木头一样呆坐在这里。”(1分11秒沉默)
C.R:我猜想你的沉默是要告诉我,你现在不想或不能走出来,那当然是可以的,我不会再打搅你,不过我只是想让你知道,我在这里。(17分41秒沉默)
C.R:我想,几分钟内我不得不停止了1(20秒沉默)
C.R: It’s hard for me to know how you’ve been feeling, but it looks as though part of the time maybe you’d rather I didn’t know how you were feeling. Anyway it looks as though part of the time it just feels very good to let down and-relax the tension. But as I say I don’t really know-how you feel. It’s just the way it looks to me. Have things been pretty bad lately? (Silence of 45 seconds)
C.R: Maybe this morning you just wish I’d shut up-and maybe I should, but I just keep feeling I’d like to-I don’t know, be in touch with you in some way. (Silence of 2 minutes, 21 seconds) (Jim yawns.)
C.R: Sounds discouraged or tired. (silence of 41 seconds)
Jim: No. Just lousy.
C.R: Everything’s lousy, huh? You feel lousy? (Silence of 39 seconds)
C.R: Want to come in Friday at 12 at the usual time?
Jim: (Yawns and mutters something unintelligible.) (Silence of 48 seconds)
C.R: Just kind of feel sunk way down deep in these lousy, lousy feelings, hmm? -Is that something like it?
Jim: No.
C.R: No? (Silence of 20 seconds)
Jim: No. I just ain’t no good to nobody, never was, and never will be.
C.R: Feeling that now, hmm? That you’re just no good to yourself, no good to anybody. Never will be any good to anybody. Just that you’re completely worthless, huh? Those really are lousy feelings. Just feel that you’re no good at all, hmm?
C.R:对我来说,是很难知道你现在的感受是怎样的,但看起来好像有一段时间你宁可我不知道你的感受是怎样的。看起来,无论如何,好像在一段时间里就这样放下紧张,放松自己,让你感觉不错。不过就像我说的,我真的不知道你的感受是怎样的。我只是看到它那个样子。近来有些事情相当糟糕吗?(45秒沉默)
C.R:也许今天上午你只希望我闭嘴,也许我该那样做,但是我只是一直觉得我想——我不知道,以某种方式和你联系着。(2分钟21秒沉默)(吉姆打哈欠)
C.R:听起来你有点沮丧或者累了。(41秒沉默)
吉姆:不是,只是觉得很糟糕。
C.R:每件事都糟糕吗,嗯?你感觉到糟糕?(39秒沉默)
C.R:你希望按惯例在星期五中午12点来吗?
吉姆:(打哈欠,嘀咕着,听不清楚)(48秒沉默)
C.R:只是觉得陷下去,深深陷到那些糟糕的里,嗯?-有点象是这样的吗?
吉姆:不是。
C.R:不是?(沉默20秒)
吉姆:不是,我这人只是很不好,对任何人来说,以前是这样,以后也永远这样的。